A brand new day a brand new start, or so they say, as we start that brand new day feeling better about that 5 pounds we just gained, step out the door and go right back to feeling like the sewer dwelling creatures we’ve all learnt to hate. The media once again attacks from every direction, anorexia and six packs slapping you in the face like a horny hippo and the very idea of feeling good about our size disappears just like that one kid. And leaked nudes are plastered to every bus stop, photoshopped? Maybe… But then again you won’t find out will you?
The thought of living in the real world dissolves with a brief puff, or did you just fart? Either way, that throws you to the ground and you are left in peace but for a second. Back to reality. Welcome back to reality my friend, we have been waiting.
Yes, body image appears to be a big issue (ha ha ha get it?.. It’s because perfume adverts are telling you you’re a fat sack of crap), but what can you do? To answer my own question, which will benefit me as much as my cat crapping on the carpet, again, you can just be happy with how you are. Scary thought isn’t it? I too, was skeptical but then it came to me, I am god damn FABULOUS. Can you sense the sarcasm? It’s reeks stronger than my cat’s piss in the corner.
Yes my friends, there is an even easier way of getting that ‘hot bod’ journalists with journalism degrees in the very serious journalism world talk about, forget dieting, exercising or sticking your fingers down your throat. You can stick that chubby middle finger up in the air, wave it around like you just don’t care and just be happy. Now you can get out.